to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
