Your mouth is God's brothel.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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