Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
