my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your cock deserves a montage
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
