I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
