You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
