I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
These tits shall not be calmed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
