Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have feelings that need drinking.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
