My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
