I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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