hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
