How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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