She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
