So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
