I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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