I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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