Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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