She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
