and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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