I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
