The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
