dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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