Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
