Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
