Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i now understand why vodka
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
