Soap is not a condiment
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
