You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is my gift to your gina
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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