he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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