Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
