I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
