you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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