She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
