Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
