ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
