Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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