She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
