I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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