Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
