allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
