The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
