I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
