Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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