I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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