I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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