You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
