brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
handjob tips. give me some.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
