You're a womanizer and a bitch.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
