we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
