Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
