spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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